On Alcoholic Establishments and Cheese

Two blondes walk into a bar...

You'd think that one of them would have seen it coming!!!

(Da dum, CRASH!!)

Sorry, that was really bad...

It's been a while, friends! Mostly because my eyeballs have dried out trying to match the colors of a certain graphic with a certain background and a certain text to make a certain cover for a certain CreateSpace novel that was finished a LONG time ago.

I am on cover 9, people. COVER NINE!!!

And I'm getting just a tad bit irritated...

But enough about me, I'm just ranting here and giving you a little update on my pet project. :)

But really, there's not enough going on lately to tell about... except maybe the planned shooting of Artemis 2!!

No, Artemis 2 is not a person. It is the WIP name of Catching Fire-- and I can only deduce that it's called this because Artemis was the Greek god of hunting? But I think it would be SUPERB to be an extra in it!!!!

Sorry, no I'm not promoting the Hunger Games... don't mind me...

Anything else? Oh yes, I've heard it said that if you eat Cheddar cheese right before going to bed, you dream about a celebrity. I haven't tried it myself, yet, but I plan on doing it soon.

Whoa... that was just really random...

Anyway, sweet cheesy dreams and good luck to me on staring at a computer screen for hours on end trying to get the PERFECT shade of yellow...

DEMON WOLVES! DEMON WOLVES!

Guess what? Rough Draft #2 of The Hungry Hungry Games (authored by: yours truly!) is nearly done! I'm trying super hard to finish it by June 1st, the deadline for our CreateSpace novels. Quick lowdown for those who have no idea what I'm talking about: I participated in NaNoWriMo's Young Writer's Program this year, and if you finished your goal (mine was 30,000 words) before November 30th, you win 5 free copies of your novel from CreateSpace, a self-publishing website. Anyways (Oh, whatever, I'll say it anyway[s]!), The Hungry Hungry Games is not my ORIGINAL novel but still one deserving of it's own copy.

Here's a little sampling of me and my best friend, for whom I wrote it, trying to describe it to our book club. BEWARE: It makes no sense whatsoever.

Me: It's this novel about some tyrannical gamemakers named Milton and Bradley who give special drugs to 24 lucky humans, turning them into hippo mutants. Then the mutants are placed in an arena for a FIGHT to the DEATH!
Friend: What were the two main characters named?
Me: Hale and Leigh.
Friend: There's also some pineapple quicksand...
Me: Don't forget the demon wolves!
Friend: Oh, yeah! Or the rock!
Me: Ah yes, the rock. Or the murderer.
Friend: Named Buck!
Me: The two main hippos were named Nyssa and Pete. Nyssa's a jerk. I don't like her.
Friend: You're just mean. She wasn't the villain-- Claudia was.
Me: Oh yeah, she tied up the tour guide named Ashley in a tree!
Friend: Didn't she tie up the old man with the banana hat too?
Me: Ben Ben the Lizard Man!
Friend: Ah, that magical rock! Wait, when did Pete give it to them again?
Me: In the mud pits, remember when the bugs were singing "It's A Small World After All"?
Friend: Oh, yes.
Me: When Hale and Leigh got their jumpsuits.
Friend: And Hale's said "I'm a Beliber" on it!"

Ah, yes... well, this is paraphrased just a tad (she'd kill me for saying anything different), but you get the gist of my short story now, right?

Ahem. Maybe not.

Look for "The Hungry Hungry Games" on bookshelves near you soon!

I wish... Suzanne Collin's agent would probably kill me...

Got to go... Scholastic Press is trying to knock down the door.

Why Stuff Sticks In Your Head (And I Don't Mean Brains, I Mean Justin Bieber)

Why the picture of the lemon pie, you ask? It shall all be revealed at the end of the post! But for now, listen to me preach, then you can have some pie.

So anyways (oops, I just said anyways. I know I'm not supposed to (read my rant about it here, second paragraph, but I couldn't help myself) I was thinking the other day (no obvious jokes here, please) about how I want to go see the Hunger Games movie.

Please, hear me out!

I would go for three reasons: 1, so I can effectively argue with my friends about it, 2, to see what the hype is about, and 3... I forget the third one. So there's just two reasons. But I was thinking about how many people said it was so annoying how the camera kept shaking around, they couldn't see any of the (erm) gross and gory violence/killing spree. A shame, right? I think that I might like that, though. As I think I've said before, I have a... um... "sensitive spirit." Gratuitous violence disturbs me, but it should disturb everyone, don't you think?

It's just that this stuff sticks in our minds. I can still remember that scene from Indiana Jones I where the dude went into the temple and got his head stuck through with spikes. It gave me nightmares for a month (granted, I was only nine) but it goes to show how our brain retains images so well. I read a statistic that said (and this is paraphrased a little) if you view an image for even less than 13 seconds your mind can still remember it years later.

Take this analogy: imagine that you're training for a 5-mile race, but you're not a runner. If you started out running without training, you wouldn't make it 5 miles. (Even though there's a McDonald's like, every 2 miles.) Or you'd get hit by a bus. (That happened in a running book I read.) But you condition yourself, running first 1/2-mile, then a mile, then 2, then 3, up until you can run 5 miles without stopping. Just like you would make your body get used to running for 5 miles straight (though why anyone would do that is beyond me) our minds get used to seeing violence, sex, and other gross/bad stuff in movies, TV shows, and music videos. See it for the first time, it would (hopefully) disturb you-- but see it twenty, and soon you're not affected by it at all. This is one of the reasons why I don't watch stuff like that if I can help it.

You may be wondering where Justin Bieber comes in, so here he is! Just like we remember images so well, we can remember lyrics too. If they're catchy and/or annoying (like Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby, Oh, Baby, Baby, Baby [etc]) it's easy to memorize the words without knowing it! But since your brain automatically does that, you have to be careful what you listen to. I bought a song by John Mayer without listening to it first, and found out it says one curse word in it. It's only one, and it's not even one of those Queen Mother of All Bad Words, but when I was singing it to myself the only line I could remember was that one. (Oops. Glad my mother wasn't in the room!) Suffice to say, the song is removed from my iPod so I'm not tempted to say it, even when I'm just humming the song. Oh, man, it would be BAD, I tell you, if I was humming it and my friend goes "What song are you humming? How does it go?" "Oh yes, it goes "La, di da, di da BLEEP!" o_O

That would probably be bad.

Not to change the subject, but has anyone read the Junie B. Jones books? I had to read one out loud to my sister because my mom, who was reading it to her, started laughing so hard she couldn't continue. This wasn't that part, but it made me laugh, at least!

Yesterday, a very wonderful thing happened!
And it's called-- I had pie for dinner!
Just pie and that's all!
That's because my mother went to the hospital to have a baby. And Daddy and Grandma Miller went with her. And so me and my grampa got to stay at his house. All by ourselves. And no one even babysitted us! And guess what? Grampa smoked a real live cigar right inside the house! And Grandma didn't yell, "Go outside with that thing, Frank!"... After that, I opened up the 'frigerator. 'Cause I was hungry from playing, that's why.
"HEY! GUESS WHAT? THERE'S A BIG FAT LEMON PIE IN HERE, FRANK!" I hollered.
And so then Grampa Miller got down two plates. And then me and him ate the big fat lemon pie for our dinner!!
Just pie and that's all!!
And we're not even going to get in trouble! 'Cause we're going to tell Grandma that her cat ate it!

The cat ate it... So there's your lemon pie. Enjoy, and I promise next time, I won't preach but I'll just make fun of something. :)

More Hunger Pains...

This is just giving a nod to some more Hunger Games hype that's been popping up the last week or so. If you haven't read my post on the Hunger Pains I've been experiencing, I suggest reading it here so you can feel my unbiased (not) take on Suzanne Collins' novels.

Anyways-- why do people say that? It's not plural, for crying out loud. We don't say "so's" instead of "so", or "whatevers" in place of "whatever". And why do we say "thanks"as in, you have my thanks? Aren't we supposed to say "thank you"? So shouldn't we say "thank" instead of "thanks" if we really do need to shorten it?

Sorry, little rant here.

Anyway (see? It's not plural), Foxtrot ran this comic in April 22nd's newspaper. I thought it aptly grasped what our female teenage society now thinks-- we ALL can be Katniss Everdeen.

And I'm not sure I like what the Hunger Games is doing to my friends at school... ha, ha.

My friends (not the Hunger Games-crazed ones-- okay, they're a little crazed, but not excessively) showed me this video. I laughed so hard, and now I'm asking for a "I'll Bake You Pies" tee-shirt for my birthday. [It's only $19 if you feel like getting me one. :)]

Have you been hit with any Hunger Pains recently?

Quit Putting the Christian Label on Everything!... And Other Random Thoughts

Hello, all! Sorry that last week's post was a tad on the longish side... I'll try to keep this one short and sweet.

I recently had the pleasure of hearing Cody Deese, a youth pastor, speak on his spring tour, and man, was it amazing! His last message was about being in the world, but not of the world, something a lot of people get confused on.

Basically, we're either one or the other-- in the world (just barely) or of the world (excessively). In the world: meaning we're here, but we'd rather not be. So we take everything that we can't see or hear or read or use because it's "pagan" and stick a Christian label on it. Music... the world had Green Day, SLAP on goes the label, and now us Christians have Third Day. The world had secular books, SLAP on goes the label-- they're still secular books, but now you can buy them from the "Christian" bookstores, not the pagan ones! Do you see what I'm getting at here? It's ridiculous! I mean, we have "Christian" tattoos, music, books, movies, and these are all good and well. But we're not "of the world" when we don't even allow these "pagan" things into our life!

And it's taking it a dreadful step forward when we don't allow "pagans" themselves into our life. Basically, the message was: Be in the world (God called us to be witnesses, not judges and lawyers, and how can we witness when we go to a "Christian" school, live in a "Christian" neighborhood, and only have Christian friends) but not of the world (no need to take it too far but totally throwing the Holy Spirit out the window-- that's why you feel guilty when you're listening to a dirty song or doing dirty, "worldly" stuff). ...Just a thought.

On to the random stuff...

I watched My Big Fat Greek Wedding at a friend's sleepover the other night, and I have to say, it cracked me up (even though I don't recommend it). Now all I have to do to my friend to make her die from laughter is to say in a Greek accent, "It was my twiiiiiiin!!!!"

Another thing: for my best friend's birthday, I'm writing her a story. Great present, I know! So far, the forest guide named Ashley has been taken captive along with her group by a band of Hungry Hungry Hippos. Turns out the hippos are part of a fight to the death for the totalitarian government leaders, Milton and Bradley. Only 2 kids escape-- and with the help of a lone Hungry Hungry Hippo, Nyssa, and her boyfriend Pete-- they rescue the group, while keeping away from the increasingly strange creatures in the woods. (Think: an escaped murderer named Buck, Ben Ben the Lizard Man, the magical rock, demon wolves, and more on the way!)

Oops, I lied. It wasn't short, but I sure hope it was sweet.

How are some ways you're in the world? Are you of the world?

Is it possible to be both?

(Author's Note: You may notice that I use the word Christian sometimes with quotations, sometimes without. This is because Christian is a word that describes a person: a follower of Jesus. A movie, book, song, or tattoo can't have a relationship with God! That's why I use quotations, to show that these things aren't REALLY "Christian". By the way, if you're interested in Cody's messages, go to codydeese.com. I think currently he's in Arkansas, so if you live in Our Kansas, you're in luck!)

What's the Big Deal About the Hunger Games?

Okay, the post title should say it all. But I think I need to say it again:
What IS the big deal about the Hunger Games?


I mean, seriously. I get that it's the new thing. It's like what Harry Potter was in 1999 and Twilight in 2006. But honestly, we need to look at ourselves as a Christian and a modern society here: Why are the biggest things in our world wizards, witches, and sorcery? Then vampires are werewolves? And now KIDS KILLING OTHER KIDS?! I am confused. Extremely confused. 


I read the first Harry Potter book a few months ago, and a little ways into Twilight about a year ago. (I still regret it to this day.) And I don't want to turn this into a bash-fest, but honestly, the writing wasn't that great. It wasn't quite hack writing, but pretty close. And now with this Hunger Games junk? I mean, we were into Wicca and witchcraft. Big deal. Then we were into vampires and the un-dead. Slightly more of a big deal. And now we enjoy dystopian novels about government-enforced slaughtering festivals where 24 kids fight to the death for entertainment. 


American's teenagers have gone down the drain... the big Cornucopia-shaped one.


And now the movie? Released March 2012, The Hunger Games was lauded as "thrilling and superbly acted", according to Rotten Tomatoes, but PluggedIn.com doesn't describe it as a gore-fest. So the books may possibly be just a little more violent than the movie.


Speaking of the books, if you really are interested in this disturbing trend of child fighting, read the first book. Then stop. 


(SPOILER ALERT: Okay, here's where I get to treat myself and rant about the books. If you've read them, please don't be offended. If you haven't, this will make no sense to you, but then again, it shouldn't. So just ignore this next paragraph unless you want to laugh at me and my inexplicable lameness.)
I'm going to assume you know who I'm talking about, because Katniss, Peeta, and Gale may possibly be the single thing your friends have talked about for the last three weeks-- and you probably have been asked "Peeta or Gale?" more times than the number of books I've read this year (which is 68 exactly). So anyways, in teh second book, about halfway through Katniss gets a little psycho. Oh, did I say psycho? I meant paranoid. (She's always been psycho. Okay, I lied, this is definitely a bash--fest.) She's always like "This person's gonna kill me, can't trust this person, can't be here or here or AHH IT'S A GIANT MONKEY!" and so on so forth. I believed that in the third book, Katniss should've died and it should have been her looking down at the Games below (or looking up, depending on what you think of Katniss). Too many people died thanks to her than I would've liked-- but she comes out unscathed at the end, to grow up, marry her true love (which should have been Finnick, if you ask me) and live happily ever after while the people and families she scarred are left behind. The end. (Both of the books and my self-indulgment. Thanks, guys, for listening.)


This may not be the raving review you've always heard, and it probably makes more sense to those who have read the books. If you feel as though you need to read them now, knock yourself out. Not literally, of course.


But we need to analyze these books as Christians, too. Twilight deeply scarred me as a naive 13-year-old, scaring me with the darkness Stephanie Meyer fans adore. While the Hunger Games might not be as dark and creepy, or dabble in witchcraft,  it definitely gives a rebellious nod to what may (but most likely will not) be our future. From the romantic angle Suzanne Collins played in the first book to the gruesome details in the third, the unmarried sleeping-together, the blatant disregard for those in power above (no matter that they were evil), the Hunger Games is probably a book those who value values (and their sanity) can live without.


Today I felt like I needed to give some funny to offset this (hopefully non-offensive) sad review, so here's a couple writing prompts made up by yours truly.


It's time for the Hungry Hungry Games! If you're familiar with the Hunger Games, you won't want to miss this! Put 24 Hungry Hungry Hippos into the arena and see what hilarity ensues!
*Disclaimer: any unintentional or intentional maiming by the generally docile hippos is under no warranty to Milton Bradley or the Capitol. Take all risks as such.*


When I googled "when did Harry Potter became popular", this result popped up from stateofnature.org (of which I have no clue what it is). You know how Google, bless it's soul, only shows a few bits of the article with your key words? This is the result I got.

"The enormous scale of the sale of Harry Potter is undoubtedly due to the changed ... 

In the nearby Khan Market, buyers were provided breakfast to refresh ... 

Notwithstanding all the precautionary steps, pirated copies did appear on the market..."

Take one of these sentences and finish it. I guarantee everything you come up with will have at least a small degree of funniness! Mine are:

"The enormous scale of the sale of Harry Potter is undoubtedly due to the changed military tactics of the attacking life-sized Lego men."
"In the nearby Khan Market, buyers were provided breakfast to refresh after one unfortunate incident including a fainting woman, a beard, and a stick of butter laced with dynamite."
"Notwithstanding all the precautionary steps, pirated copies did appear on the market, if only by accident because the pirates usually don't enjoy just anyone seeing their special red and white skull-and-pineapples cover design."


Enjoy! I'm sure I will... :) Sorry this was so long, but I felt I owed ya'll one. 


(Okay, just wanted to say: If you have any questions regarding my views on the Hunger Games, as well as where to find good, Christian resources about them, feel free to contact me, if only to rag me for being so against it!! Also, if you have any good arguments against it, please let me know. I am losing this battle completely to my Hunger Games-fanatic, Josh Hutcherson-crazed friends. Please, help!) Although I am known to just be a tad Josh Hutcherson-crazed myself... but it's to be expected, right?