"And She's Going Dowwwwnnnnn..."

I'm going to cut to the chase right here: I'm taking down the blog. Well, not taking it down, per se, but at least taking a break from writing posts. (Yeah, I know, I need to! I write SO MANY posts that you guys just can't keep up with them all! Just kidding.)

It's kind of hard to keep remembering to not keep my nonexistent blog readers hanging. I think my last post was in September, and before that, May! Not cool, you guys. (I meant I'm not cool for doing that.)

So as of right now, you can still read other blog posts, but don't be expecting anyone to be updating it. Unless something amazing happens, and I just want to share it. But I have to face it: I don't have an exciting life!! I have absolutely nothing to blog about. So yeah. Farewell, fine friends! <3

I Was Dead, but Now I've Come Back To Life Like Captain America! Er, I Mean, Jesus!

Wow, folks! Is it really September? And my last post was in May? Well, you won't believe me when I say I've died and come back, but it must be true or I wouldn't be writing it here. :)

How is everyone on this lovely autumn day?

Maybe it's not autumn for you. Maybe you live in the Yukon and it's 20 degrees below zero. Or maybe you live in the Southern Hemisphere and it's spring for you. Doesn't matter, here it's gorgeously cool and the trees are changing color, the birds are singing, the smell of pumpkin candles is in the air...

So a few things have happened with me. Yes, I got my cover figured out, which no one cares about any more since that was May and now it's September (unless you live in some alternate universe and today is actually Luna 5). But a main thing is the hopeful startup of my writer's group!

Basically, me and about 7 or 8 other people (or more) will be posting chapters of our story on a website. We'll all have pen names too! I'm thinking something like "Jennifer Doyle" or something else that is far from my real name. Ideas? I think that pseudonyms are great in that they give people who may or may not know each other and may or may not feel comfortable sharing their precious WIPs with each other.

Another thing is the TV show Sherlock from BBC!!! It is amazing!!! Benedict Cummerbatch is Sherlock and Martin Freeman is Watson. It's really well done but extremely intense. So I've been consumed with Sherlock Holmes stories lately. I've seen movies, read books, seen plays about Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's greatest literary heroes.

Anyway, I'm not dead but I do need to get off Pinterest and get outside before it gets too cold to be unbearable. Can't wait for fall!

On Alcoholic Establishments and Cheese

Two blondes walk into a bar...

You'd think that one of them would have seen it coming!!!

(Da dum, CRASH!!)

Sorry, that was really bad...

It's been a while, friends! Mostly because my eyeballs have dried out trying to match the colors of a certain graphic with a certain background and a certain text to make a certain cover for a certain CreateSpace novel that was finished a LONG time ago.

I am on cover 9, people. COVER NINE!!!

And I'm getting just a tad bit irritated...

But enough about me, I'm just ranting here and giving you a little update on my pet project. :)

But really, there's not enough going on lately to tell about... except maybe the planned shooting of Artemis 2!!

No, Artemis 2 is not a person. It is the WIP name of Catching Fire-- and I can only deduce that it's called this because Artemis was the Greek god of hunting? But I think it would be SUPERB to be an extra in it!!!!

Sorry, no I'm not promoting the Hunger Games... don't mind me...

Anything else? Oh yes, I've heard it said that if you eat Cheddar cheese right before going to bed, you dream about a celebrity. I haven't tried it myself, yet, but I plan on doing it soon.

Whoa... that was just really random...

Anyway, sweet cheesy dreams and good luck to me on staring at a computer screen for hours on end trying to get the PERFECT shade of yellow...

DEMON WOLVES! DEMON WOLVES!

Guess what? Rough Draft #2 of The Hungry Hungry Games (authored by: yours truly!) is nearly done! I'm trying super hard to finish it by June 1st, the deadline for our CreateSpace novels. Quick lowdown for those who have no idea what I'm talking about: I participated in NaNoWriMo's Young Writer's Program this year, and if you finished your goal (mine was 30,000 words) before November 30th, you win 5 free copies of your novel from CreateSpace, a self-publishing website. Anyways (Oh, whatever, I'll say it anyway[s]!), The Hungry Hungry Games is not my ORIGINAL novel but still one deserving of it's own copy.

Here's a little sampling of me and my best friend, for whom I wrote it, trying to describe it to our book club. BEWARE: It makes no sense whatsoever.

Me: It's this novel about some tyrannical gamemakers named Milton and Bradley who give special drugs to 24 lucky humans, turning them into hippo mutants. Then the mutants are placed in an arena for a FIGHT to the DEATH!
Friend: What were the two main characters named?
Me: Hale and Leigh.
Friend: There's also some pineapple quicksand...
Me: Don't forget the demon wolves!
Friend: Oh, yeah! Or the rock!
Me: Ah yes, the rock. Or the murderer.
Friend: Named Buck!
Me: The two main hippos were named Nyssa and Pete. Nyssa's a jerk. I don't like her.
Friend: You're just mean. She wasn't the villain-- Claudia was.
Me: Oh yeah, she tied up the tour guide named Ashley in a tree!
Friend: Didn't she tie up the old man with the banana hat too?
Me: Ben Ben the Lizard Man!
Friend: Ah, that magical rock! Wait, when did Pete give it to them again?
Me: In the mud pits, remember when the bugs were singing "It's A Small World After All"?
Friend: Oh, yes.
Me: When Hale and Leigh got their jumpsuits.
Friend: And Hale's said "I'm a Beliber" on it!"

Ah, yes... well, this is paraphrased just a tad (she'd kill me for saying anything different), but you get the gist of my short story now, right?

Ahem. Maybe not.

Look for "The Hungry Hungry Games" on bookshelves near you soon!

I wish... Suzanne Collin's agent would probably kill me...

Got to go... Scholastic Press is trying to knock down the door.

The Pineapple and the Hare

Good day, fine folks!! 


Today I am here to share with you a bizarre NY state exam story with some even bizarre-er questions!


Without further ado, here is the story:


"In the olden times, animals could speak English, just like you and me. There was a lovely enchanted forest that flourished with a bunch of these magical animals. One day, a hare was relaxing by a tree. All of a sudden, he noticed a pineapple sitting near him.
The hare, being magical and all, told the pineapple, "Um, hi." 
The pineapple could speak English too.
"I challenge you to a race! Whoever makes it across the forest and back first wins a ninja! And a lifetime's supply of toothpaste!" 
The hare looked at the pineapple strangely, but agreed to the race.
The next day, the competition was coming into play. All the animals in the forest (but not the pineapples, for pineapples are immobile) arranged a finish/start line in between two trees. The coyote placed the pineapple in front of the starting line, and the hare was on his way.
Everyone on the sidelines was bustling about and chatting about the obvious prediction that the hare was going to claim the victory (and the ninja and the toothpaste). Suddenly, the crow had a revolutionary realization.
"AAAAIEEH! Friends! I have an idea to share! The pineapple has not challenged our good companion, the hare, to just a simple race! Surely the pineapple must know that he CANNOT MOVE! He obviously has a trick up his sleeve!" exclaimed the crow.
The moose spoke up.
"Pineapples don't have sleeves."
"You fool! You know what I mean! I think that the pineapple knows we're cheering for the hare, so he is planning to pull a trick on us, so we look foolish when he wins! Let's sink the pineapple's intentions, and let's cheer for the stupid fruit!" the crow passionately proclaimed. The other animals cheered, and started chanting, "FOIL THE PLAN! FOIL THE PLAN! FOIL THE PLAN!"
A few minutes later, the hare arrived. He got into place next to the pineapple, who sat there contently. The monkey blew the tree-bark whistle, and the race began! The hare took off, sprinting through the forest, and the pineapple ...
It sat there.
The animals glanced at each other blankly, and then started to realize how dumb they were. The pineapple did not have a trick up its sleeve. It wanted an honest race — but it knew it couldn't walk (let alone run)!
About a few hours later, the hare came into sight again. It flew right across the finish line, still as fast as it was when it first took off. The hare had won, but the pineapple still sat at his starting point, and had not even budged."


This is WORD FOR WORD, I swear! Don't believe me, you can read the actual article here! 


Here are the two questions that pertain to the passage:


1. Why did the animals eat the pineapple?
a. they were annoyed
b. they were amused
c. they were hungry
d. they wanted to


2. Who was the wisest?
a. the hare
b. moose
c. crow
d. owl


The only thing that I can glean is that there was no owl. And that the moose must be the wisest, for as he very wisely proclaimed, "Pineapples don't have sleeves." 


I love it when the hare replies to the pineapple's sudden appearance with a very literate... "Um, hi."


(I thought we weren't supposed to say 'um'... at least, that's what's been ingrained into me. I use it anyway, but I mean, it's a public school. Wouldn't you think that they wouldn't want to undermine any die-hard English teachers? "Um, hi." Gimme a break.)


Makes me glad to be homeschooled... I would not want to tackle this particular test!!

Quit Putting the Christian Label on Everything!... And Other Random Thoughts

Hello, all! Sorry that last week's post was a tad on the longish side... I'll try to keep this one short and sweet.

I recently had the pleasure of hearing Cody Deese, a youth pastor, speak on his spring tour, and man, was it amazing! His last message was about being in the world, but not of the world, something a lot of people get confused on.

Basically, we're either one or the other-- in the world (just barely) or of the world (excessively). In the world: meaning we're here, but we'd rather not be. So we take everything that we can't see or hear or read or use because it's "pagan" and stick a Christian label on it. Music... the world had Green Day, SLAP on goes the label, and now us Christians have Third Day. The world had secular books, SLAP on goes the label-- they're still secular books, but now you can buy them from the "Christian" bookstores, not the pagan ones! Do you see what I'm getting at here? It's ridiculous! I mean, we have "Christian" tattoos, music, books, movies, and these are all good and well. But we're not "of the world" when we don't even allow these "pagan" things into our life!

And it's taking it a dreadful step forward when we don't allow "pagans" themselves into our life. Basically, the message was: Be in the world (God called us to be witnesses, not judges and lawyers, and how can we witness when we go to a "Christian" school, live in a "Christian" neighborhood, and only have Christian friends) but not of the world (no need to take it too far but totally throwing the Holy Spirit out the window-- that's why you feel guilty when you're listening to a dirty song or doing dirty, "worldly" stuff). ...Just a thought.

On to the random stuff...

I watched My Big Fat Greek Wedding at a friend's sleepover the other night, and I have to say, it cracked me up (even though I don't recommend it). Now all I have to do to my friend to make her die from laughter is to say in a Greek accent, "It was my twiiiiiiin!!!!"

Another thing: for my best friend's birthday, I'm writing her a story. Great present, I know! So far, the forest guide named Ashley has been taken captive along with her group by a band of Hungry Hungry Hippos. Turns out the hippos are part of a fight to the death for the totalitarian government leaders, Milton and Bradley. Only 2 kids escape-- and with the help of a lone Hungry Hungry Hippo, Nyssa, and her boyfriend Pete-- they rescue the group, while keeping away from the increasingly strange creatures in the woods. (Think: an escaped murderer named Buck, Ben Ben the Lizard Man, the magical rock, demon wolves, and more on the way!)

Oops, I lied. It wasn't short, but I sure hope it was sweet.

How are some ways you're in the world? Are you of the world?

Is it possible to be both?

(Author's Note: You may notice that I use the word Christian sometimes with quotations, sometimes without. This is because Christian is a word that describes a person: a follower of Jesus. A movie, book, song, or tattoo can't have a relationship with God! That's why I use quotations, to show that these things aren't REALLY "Christian". By the way, if you're interested in Cody's messages, go to codydeese.com. I think currently he's in Arkansas, so if you live in Our Kansas, you're in luck!)

What's the Big Deal About the Hunger Games?

Okay, the post title should say it all. But I think I need to say it again:
What IS the big deal about the Hunger Games?


I mean, seriously. I get that it's the new thing. It's like what Harry Potter was in 1999 and Twilight in 2006. But honestly, we need to look at ourselves as a Christian and a modern society here: Why are the biggest things in our world wizards, witches, and sorcery? Then vampires are werewolves? And now KIDS KILLING OTHER KIDS?! I am confused. Extremely confused. 


I read the first Harry Potter book a few months ago, and a little ways into Twilight about a year ago. (I still regret it to this day.) And I don't want to turn this into a bash-fest, but honestly, the writing wasn't that great. It wasn't quite hack writing, but pretty close. And now with this Hunger Games junk? I mean, we were into Wicca and witchcraft. Big deal. Then we were into vampires and the un-dead. Slightly more of a big deal. And now we enjoy dystopian novels about government-enforced slaughtering festivals where 24 kids fight to the death for entertainment. 


American's teenagers have gone down the drain... the big Cornucopia-shaped one.


And now the movie? Released March 2012, The Hunger Games was lauded as "thrilling and superbly acted", according to Rotten Tomatoes, but PluggedIn.com doesn't describe it as a gore-fest. So the books may possibly be just a little more violent than the movie.


Speaking of the books, if you really are interested in this disturbing trend of child fighting, read the first book. Then stop. 


(SPOILER ALERT: Okay, here's where I get to treat myself and rant about the books. If you've read them, please don't be offended. If you haven't, this will make no sense to you, but then again, it shouldn't. So just ignore this next paragraph unless you want to laugh at me and my inexplicable lameness.)
I'm going to assume you know who I'm talking about, because Katniss, Peeta, and Gale may possibly be the single thing your friends have talked about for the last three weeks-- and you probably have been asked "Peeta or Gale?" more times than the number of books I've read this year (which is 68 exactly). So anyways, in teh second book, about halfway through Katniss gets a little psycho. Oh, did I say psycho? I meant paranoid. (She's always been psycho. Okay, I lied, this is definitely a bash--fest.) She's always like "This person's gonna kill me, can't trust this person, can't be here or here or AHH IT'S A GIANT MONKEY!" and so on so forth. I believed that in the third book, Katniss should've died and it should have been her looking down at the Games below (or looking up, depending on what you think of Katniss). Too many people died thanks to her than I would've liked-- but she comes out unscathed at the end, to grow up, marry her true love (which should have been Finnick, if you ask me) and live happily ever after while the people and families she scarred are left behind. The end. (Both of the books and my self-indulgment. Thanks, guys, for listening.)


This may not be the raving review you've always heard, and it probably makes more sense to those who have read the books. If you feel as though you need to read them now, knock yourself out. Not literally, of course.


But we need to analyze these books as Christians, too. Twilight deeply scarred me as a naive 13-year-old, scaring me with the darkness Stephanie Meyer fans adore. While the Hunger Games might not be as dark and creepy, or dabble in witchcraft,  it definitely gives a rebellious nod to what may (but most likely will not) be our future. From the romantic angle Suzanne Collins played in the first book to the gruesome details in the third, the unmarried sleeping-together, the blatant disregard for those in power above (no matter that they were evil), the Hunger Games is probably a book those who value values (and their sanity) can live without.


Today I felt like I needed to give some funny to offset this (hopefully non-offensive) sad review, so here's a couple writing prompts made up by yours truly.


It's time for the Hungry Hungry Games! If you're familiar with the Hunger Games, you won't want to miss this! Put 24 Hungry Hungry Hippos into the arena and see what hilarity ensues!
*Disclaimer: any unintentional or intentional maiming by the generally docile hippos is under no warranty to Milton Bradley or the Capitol. Take all risks as such.*


When I googled "when did Harry Potter became popular", this result popped up from stateofnature.org (of which I have no clue what it is). You know how Google, bless it's soul, only shows a few bits of the article with your key words? This is the result I got.

"The enormous scale of the sale of Harry Potter is undoubtedly due to the changed ... 

In the nearby Khan Market, buyers were provided breakfast to refresh ... 

Notwithstanding all the precautionary steps, pirated copies did appear on the market..."

Take one of these sentences and finish it. I guarantee everything you come up with will have at least a small degree of funniness! Mine are:

"The enormous scale of the sale of Harry Potter is undoubtedly due to the changed military tactics of the attacking life-sized Lego men."
"In the nearby Khan Market, buyers were provided breakfast to refresh after one unfortunate incident including a fainting woman, a beard, and a stick of butter laced with dynamite."
"Notwithstanding all the precautionary steps, pirated copies did appear on the market, if only by accident because the pirates usually don't enjoy just anyone seeing their special red and white skull-and-pineapples cover design."


Enjoy! I'm sure I will... :) Sorry this was so long, but I felt I owed ya'll one. 


(Okay, just wanted to say: If you have any questions regarding my views on the Hunger Games, as well as where to find good, Christian resources about them, feel free to contact me, if only to rag me for being so against it!! Also, if you have any good arguments against it, please let me know. I am losing this battle completely to my Hunger Games-fanatic, Josh Hutcherson-crazed friends. Please, help!) Although I am known to just be a tad Josh Hutcherson-crazed myself... but it's to be expected, right?

Ack... editing blues!

I love editing-- in fact, that seems to be the only thing I'm good at! Even when I'm supposed to "critique" and not scour out any imperfections in a manuscript, I still end up doing that. Oh, the editing blues!
I just finished editing Jacob Buller's The War Horn manuscript... and it was really good! Really, really good. So look for it in Amazon's ebook collection in the next few weeks (right, Jake?). Read all about it at teenagewritingrocks.blogspot.com.
Oh, how I ache for spring! The days have been chilly here, but the sun has been coming out a tad bit more and now it's up to almost 60 degrees Fahrenheit. Warm! And almost shorts weather.
So is editing your dream? (Mine is becoming a children's book editor, so I guess I'm getting good practice.) What's your dream?

Happy (late) Valentine's Day!!

Ahh, the day of love... How did you celebrate your V day? I went to a Valentine's party... lots of fun. And I have taken it upon myself to share some of the activities that we played.
The first, we were given a paper heart with the beginning of the poem "Roses are read, violets are blue..." and asked to complete it. Mine:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I'm not a poet,
So don't expect this to rhyme.
Here's a few others:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Your parents are dead
And never loved you. (We advised this author to drop the dark poetry or he'd never get a wife.)
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Darth Vader's your father
But I still love you.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
This poem is stupid
Because it's not true.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Will you marry me?
(Yup. All the girls went, "Awwwww!")

Share some of your favorite V-day poems. And catch phrases: some of my favs were "If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. (Mostly because everything would be easier if the vowels were in closer proximity to each other.)"
"You've stolen my heart. Literally. Blood... loss... [passes out]"
"Is that Cupid in your pocket? Or do you just have really weirdly-shaped pants?" (This one doesn't make sense, but I think it's funny.)
"Which of these 3 things should you NOT give a girl on Valentine's Day? 1. chocolates, 2. flowers, 3. tickets to a monster truck rally. (Hint: it's number three.)"
"My life without you is like a broken pencil... pointless."
"Hey, a date with me is at least better than eating those weirdly chalky heart things."

:)

Happy V day!

Staring does not = stalking!!!

If you're into Christmas carols, you'll recognize these few lyrics. He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake...


Creepy!!

But please, tell me you haven't done this before. You look up and see a peculiar sight-- a grown man trying to inconspicuously sniff his armpit, a woman sneaking her dog into Wal-Mart, another teenager with earbuds in their ears but then you realize that the earbuds aren't plugged into anything. And you're drawn to this person, trying to figure who they really are.

My drama teacher said something really profound the other day: Staring is not stalking.

So get out there and stare! Just not too conspicuously. Observe, maybe. See how that 20-something year old woman at O' Charley's folds her napkin just right, or wipes her mouth after every bite. Or the frail, elderly man leaving the pet store with a giant dog. A Great Dane, maybe.

Observe, then write! Create a description of the person, a little bio, name and all. If you don't know, then guess. Fabricate a whole life and career for this person if you wish. Say you see a man rushing to work. His tie is sticking out, his shirt isn't tucked in, and frankly, his hair looks like a rabbit had just nested in it. You can guess that either this man lives a very messy life and isn't married, or he just got back from saving the world and is late for work.

Your call.

See, that's the coolest thing about stalking! Er, I mean, staring. A brief explanation on that: stalking is going so far as knowing this person age, name, address, phone number, car model, love life, and shoe size. (You are not stalking your close friends if you know this about them. You are, however, if this person is someone you have never seen in your life. Although I think that should go without saying.) Staring is looking curiously at people-- however, NEVER let them know you're looking!

So write up 1, 4, or 20 pages of a fake life for someone you caught a glimpse of at Kroger. Word to the wise:
Sunglasses like these make it fun!

So go and get gawking!!

(Note: Try not to stare at people who are disabled in any way, not matter how fascinating their tic. They would obviously feel uncomfortable, even if your staring is for good, not evil.)

Why Do I Hate To Write?

Writing has it's pros and cons. (Oh, wow, I just sounded like I'm writing a 5-paragraph essay. Ugh.) I'm a writer; I love to write. You may be wondering why, then, have I titled this post Why Do I Hate To Write?

The reason is simply... because everyone does at one point or another.

Man, this is getting so hard to explain... I love to write. I love the plot when it flows, the characters when they're believable, the dialogue when it's witty. I love the settings that come alive, the descriptions that flow like poetry, the possibility of creating my own world.

I hate the plot when it's sticky. I hate the characters when they're unbelievable. I hate the dialogue when it sounds like something from a Dick-and-Jane book. I hate the settings that make me feel as though I'm blind, the descriptions that overload me from page one, and the limitations in believability.

Does this sound like you?

You see, I said that everyone feels this at one time or another. But that's not strictly true-- there are those select few who enjoy nothing more than tearing up any writing assignment from English. And those who are ignorant to the wonderful worlds you can create through the power of the pen! (Or the power of MicrosoftWord, if you want to be difficult.)

So ENJOY the writing privileges you have. No one, ever, absolutely loves writing. Not Stephen King, not James Patterson, not Stephenie Meyer. They all experience dark days. So take heart! If you're a writer, don't feel bad that you hate the craft sometimes. Just read a good book (unless this will remind you of how bad your writing is), write a few paragraphs, have a good chat with a friend. Then get back into it and remember why, exactly, you're doing this at all.

Why are you? Exactly?